Feathers and Seashells
by Sam
email: webmistress@absoludicrous.net
© 2001

Part Two: Meeting

I woke up in between
The memory and the dream...
Think of me what you will
I've got a little space to fill...

~Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, "You Don't Know How It Feels"

----------

Black. Inky, infinite nothingness. Black was all around her.

Sailor Aluminum Seiren stirred. She hadn't been sleeping, though; she had just being lying perfectly still for hours. Deathly still. Hours? Minutes? Years? I don't remember... Her mind mused further: Am I even here? Where is here? Does this place even exist?

She sat up and looked around, trying to determine where she was. She immediately gave up on that notion--in every direction, there was nothing. It was as if she was floating in a black hole. Nevertheless, she could feel ground beneath her.

Am I...dead? That possibility brought no fear to her heart. No emotion stirred inside her. This could be what death is like, I suppose...but...I don't remember...

Having her eyes open did her no good, so she closed them again, and lay back on the floor she could not see. Where am I? What am I doing here?

Although there was no way she could have seen it, not very far away, perched in a corner, a small black bird sat. A crow. It peered at her through a cold, beady black eye. After a moment, with barely a sound or a rustle, the crow took off, and winked out of space.

~***~

The crow appeared, an instant later, in a great, cavernous hall. It flapped down to the slick marble floor. Suddenly, a great gray smoke cloud puffed up around it, obscuring the bird momentarily. When the air was once again clear, a Sailor Senshi, in a tight black fuku, with great feathery black wings, found herself bowing in the direction of the stone throne a few yards away. The throne was, for the time being, unoccupied.

Her brick-red hair brushed the floor, as she stared at her reflection in the marble, at the dark, disturbing eyes, at the single black feather crowning her tiara. She had no fascination with her reflection--she wasn't vain, by any means--but no matter what, the Senshi would not raise her eyes any higher. She had never been able to bring her eyes to the throne...or anything above it, she thought, more pointedly. I can't look...even though I'm drawn to it...

She wasn't left alone for too long--the aura of the room darkened sharply as Galaxia entered from the doorway behind the throne. "Sailor Lead Crow."

She inhaled sharply at the mention of her "name." Stop. Your fear makes you appear weak. She took a moment to calm her senses. "Yes, Galaxia-sama. I have watched her, as you commanded."

"Good, good...and? What is her condition?" Crow knew that her mistress was not concerned with the new Senshi's well-being. She wanted to know if she had chosen a worthy vessel. Crow found this, in a very dark way, somewhat amusing.

Eyes still lowered, she reported. "Galaxia-sama, she is disoriented, and remembers nothing concerning her planet's demise. But she is in good health, and her body seems to have accepted the Sailor Crystal."

The Golden Queen smiled with satisfaction. "Excellent work. But make her remember. I want her to remember, and never forget." Galaxia recalled, her smile broadening, the lack of hesitation in her new slave's actions. How she ripped the Sailor Crystal from that pathetic girl's body...a truly beautiful moment. "Make sure she knows what she has become...Sailor Lead Crow."

The winged Senshi suppressed a disgusted shudder. "Yes, Galaxia-sama. It shall be as you desire."

"Dismissed."

Crow once again vanished in a puff of ashen smoke. Galaxia, now alone, reflected on their exchange. She had been able to sense, to taste, her fear. And she liked it.

~***~

In the time that had passed, Seiren had little else to do but continue to ponder where she was, who she was, and other questions she couldn't hope to answer in her present state. Without her memories, or her emotions, her mind was trapped in an endless loop of confusion.

Her mind was just to embark, yet again, on this pointless trek of questioning, when she heard a voice. "Girl. Get up--it's no use lying there, doing nothing."

"Do you mean me?" Seiren still lay where she was, listless, eyes still closed.

Crow felt a small flare of impatience. "Yes, you. Sailor Aluminum Seiren. Stand up."

Sailor Aluminum Seiren... the words echoed in her mind. "A Senshi name...is it true? Tell me!" She stood up, not knowing what direction to face, or where the other person was.

As she did, Crow waved her hand. The blackness around Seiren seemed to fade, disperse. They were standing in a hall of some sort--a waiting room, with black leather sofas and high-backed, ornately-carved wooden chairs. She looked down to the floor--that same impossibly smooth black marble--and noticed her feet, adorned in white high heels with straps that laced up her calves. Her eyes traced up her own legs and further up her body, taking in the thigh-high, pale-blue stockings, the lavender thong--thong?--and the gown-like, matching garment, tied in front, exposing her pale abdomen. She ran her fingers up to her chest, fingering the sailor collar in disbelief.

She turned to the other person, with so many questions on the tip of her tongue, but she stopped, and gazed at the Sailor Senshi standing before her, with huge black wings stretching out from her back. For a moment, she could do nothing but stare. Those black wings...that sailor collar...what the hell...

"A...Senshi. You're a Senshi. I-I'm a Senshi, too..." She trailed off--her confusion, and fright, were starting to take over, to animate her. "How can I be a Sailor Senshi? How...how can this be real? Who are you?! Where am I?!"

Crow smirked. "It's amazing, how the loss of one's soul fades the memory as well. You don't remember anything?"

My soul...? Seiren wondered, for a moment, if she had a soul, if the other Senshi's words were true. Could it be gone...? Maybe...would I be able to tell, if I didn't have one? "No...what is going on? Why am I here?" The fact that she didn't know those answers herself was suddenly very troubling.

"Well...I have been charged with refreshing your memory." And I'm not particularly looking forward to it, either. With a wave of her clawlike fingers, Crow created a small hole in the fabric of the room's space. "So watch."

~***~

Seiren watched silently as the space in the hole Crow had created rippled and churned, like a restless sea. She touched it, tentatively, but it felt as smooth and still as glass. The churning wasn't occurring on the surface, but within it.

"Wh-what is this? What are you showing me?"

"I'm showing you what has happened to you, and what you have done. For you to serve any purpose, or be of any use here, you need to see this, and know who you now are. Are you prepared for this? It is not," she said, trembling, almost imperceptibly, "a pleasant sight."

Seiren took no comfort in the look on the Senshi's face. Taking a deep breath, she nodded. "I think I don't have a choice, do I?"

The restless space within the hole became calm, and gradually, an image appeared. A planet appeared, a deep ocean blue, surrounded by four moons, two pale blue, two pale green.

"What is this place?" Seiren breathed.

"You don't recognize your planet? This is Mermaid, your former home."

Mermaid...familiar, somehow... She continued to watch.

After a moment, Seiren could see herself--no, not quite. A different self. It was her, but she was not the same. There was a shine in Aya Reiko's eyes that Seiren could not feel in herself. A longing for something, a dreamy aura, that the Senshi did not possess. She saw her other self staring out the window, wishing, pining.

And then she saw her.

After Reiko's short exchange with the disembodied voice, she saw a figure that sent fragments of memory flooding back into her mind.

"Galaxia. Sailor Galaxia." Her voice was still low and void of emotion, but an undertone of fear emanated from those words.

Crow nodded. "You're starting to remember. And, if I were you, I would learn to speak that name respectfully. It's in your best interests."

Seiren turned away, blinded by the bright flash of golden light in the image. She looked back only to cry out and turn away again. The sight of her own Star Seed hovering in Galaxia's palm was, as Crow had expected, a terrible shock. The taller Senshi pulled Seiren's face back toward the light from the image. "If you cannot accept that this took place, that Galaxia-sama stole your soul, then you are doomed. You must face it. Face your memory." Crow held her head in place, forcing her to watch as her Star, her soul, faded and blacked out.

In the image--the memory, Crow had termed it--Galaxia chuckled. "Aya Reiko, you're getting such a bargain, do you realize that? You're trading this"--Galaxia sneered at the black Star Seed in her hand--"this worthless, mortal seed for a beautiful Sailor Crystal! How lucky you are!" Galaxia closed her palm, and Reiko's Star Seed disappeared. She then extended that hand to Reiko, arm outstretched. "Receive my power!"

Reiko's slumped-over body suddenly jerked up, wrists raised to Galaxia's face. She made no sound, just this simple, shocking, dead gesture. Her wrists then glowed with that same golden light. The light glittered out, leaving Galaxia's bracelets in its stead.

Seiren's eyes traveled from the memory to her own wrists, as she finally noticed the bracelets magically glued to her skin.

She glanced over at Crow--at her wrists, adorned with those same bracelets.

"Slaves. Servants, aren't we? To her."

Crow said nothing, just nodded.

Seiren watched her memory, with rising horror, as she saw Reiko, with no remorse, no second thought, steal the Sailor Crystal of Sailor Mermaid. As she saw her planet's Senshi, its hero, fade into the dark night sky. "M-Mermaid-sama..." She pondered why those words came to her mouth, and why tears were leaking from her eyes.

"I believe that's what you called her, Seiren." Crow was distant, cold.

After a moment, Seiren could feel anger rising inside her. Her hands were clenched into fists. "Do you have any more to show me? I've had enough."

Crow knew the hidden meaning behind Galaxia's orders. "Make sure she knows what she has become...Sailor Lead Crow."

Break. Her. Spirit.

"There is more. Watch."

She had already seen her transformation into her present form, clothed in this bizarre and unfamiliar Sailor Senshi fuku. More? How can there be any more than this?

The focus of the memory shifted, to Aoisei Umi's home, that same night. The girl opened the door after a series of frantic knocks. Reiko's parents stood huddled together, in the sudden onslaught of rain, with tear-stained faces and tired blue eyes.

"Aya-mama! Aya-papa!" Umi and Reiko were very close--Umi considered her friend's parents as part of her own family. "What's wrong? You both look awful!"

"Umi, have you seen Reiko? I went upstairs to check on her...she's usually so loud in the evenings and all...and she was gone! At this hour...where could she be...?!

Reiko's father was more stoic than his wife. "She was angry with us earlier, Umi...we fear she may have run away from home."

"But...but...Reiko wouldn't do that! She wouldn't hurt you like that!" It was inconceivable to her. Reiko is too happy to run away, isn't she?

"Wouldn't I?"

Reiko's voice. Her mother started crying in relief. "Oh, Reiko honey, where are you? I can't see you!"

"Up here...mother."

The three in Umi's doorway looked up toward the sky, not sure what they would see. Reiko--no--Sailor Aluminum Seiren floated easily above their heads, sneering with disgust at each of them.

Umi's blood ran cold. That's not Reiko. No way.

Reiko's mother was sobbing happily, until she looked up at her "daughter." She frowned in confusion at the Reiko-like creature floating in the gray sky. "Reiko! What are you doing? How did you get up there?"--her motherly instincts took over--"And what are you wearing?"

Seiren snickered. "What do you care? Now I have power--Galaxia-sama's power! Now I can prove to you how wrong you are!" Her eyes gleamed with hate and bloodlust. "I'll make you sorry for what you said!"

Umi studied her transformed friend closely. Under the black, hateful power Reiko--Seiren--was exuding, she felt something else. Something familiar.

Then she saw the sailor collar.

Holy mother of God.

"Reiko!!!" Umi screamed, suddenly furious. "What did you do to Sailor Mermaid?!!" Mermaid's power is inside her, Umi thought, not sure what to make of that. Sailor Mermaid must be dead...DEAD. She swore, tears running down her face. Reiko's parents looked to Seiren, then to Umi, silently, completely confused and terrified.

Seiren glared. "SHUT UP!!!" she shouted back. "I am not Reiko! I am Sailor Aluminum Seiren!"

Umi clenched her fists. "WHY?! Why have you done?! What are you going to do?!"

Seiren relaxed, and rested her face in her now-clawlike fingers. "I'm going to take this world, this worthless star, for Galaxia-sama...Umi-chan."

Umi collapsed, mortified at this hateful, bitter utterance of her own name, by her best friend. Her words were now quieter, resigned. "Reiko. Please stop this. You don't know what you're doing."

The Sailor Senshi's blank eyes narrowed, and Umi could almost feel something inside her former friend snap. "I've had enough of you doubting me! That is IT!!!" Before anyone else could protest--quite a mob of people had formed by now to witness this--Seiren raised her hand skyward.

"Now you'll see my true power, pitiful creatures! Galactica TSUNAMI!"

Right before the deadly force of the waves crushed her, Umi realized that Reiko was not in that body-- something was speaking through her, and had pushed away her soul. Reiko... her mind spoke, quietly. I hope someone can rescue you. I'm sorry.

And then Umi, Reiko's parents, and thousands of other Mermaidians were swept away in a hard blast of seawater. From under the flood surface, thousands of Star Seeds rose into the air, and blacked out a few moments later.

The skies over the planet grew darker, the rain harder and colder. Seiren grinned. "Galaxia-sama!" she shouted, to nothing in particular. "Is this to your liking?"

Galaxia materialized next to her, floating in midair. She smiled triumphantly. "Well done, Seiren. You know what to do now. Destroy this planet."

"Yes, Galaxia-sama."

The image went black. Crow cleared her throat. "There's not much else to see. You teleported around the planet, and killed your fellow citizens. Galaxia brought you back here, and you blacked out."

Seiren wasn't listening. She still felt no remorse or real emotion regarding what she had just seen. But the tears continued to pour out of her eyes. Now she remembered. "Umi-chan...Mom...Dad...Mermaid-sama..." She knew those people. And she had killed them. Something inside her screamed in pain and anguish, but it did not rise to the surface. Her body cried for her, in her soul's absence. She raised one hand to her face, touching the salty tears tentatively.

"Explain something to me," she finally said.

Crow raised her eyebrows. "What do you want to know?"

"I knew those people, right? That girl was my friend. And I saw my parents, too...and that Sailor Senshi..."

"Yes..."

"So why can't I feel anything? I'm...crying"--she touched her face again--"but I don't feel pain. Why not? Why can't I be sad for...Umi-chan? I feel like...I should be."

"You hear that little voice inside, don't you? It screams. It screams and screams but you don't really pay attention. Right?"

Seiren gave her a sideways glance. "...Yes...what about it?"

Crow settled her eyes on Seiren's, firmly, coldly. "Are you sure you want to cry for them? Because once you do... it's hard to stop, you know. If you feel that pain, you cannot make it go away. Do you understand?"

She nodded slowly. She wanted to know why her body could cry but her heart could not. "It's disturbing...feeling like this."

The other Senshi nodded knowingly. "Then you have to embrace that voice. Do you know what that voice is?"

"No."

"It's the power, the feeling, behind that Sailor Crystal. Your soul is gone--you are no longer Aya Reiko...but you have another soul's power inside you. That is the voice. If you let the voice speak louder inside you, the emotions will come out."

Seiren closed her eyes.

Her mind quieted, and she could hear the voice again. A heartbroken, lonely, tortured voice. The emotion in its screams was devastating. In her mind's eye, she traveled toward the sound, and saw a shining blue light. How can light scream? she wondered for a moment, but, she supposed, it didn't really matter. She felt herself drowning in the light--the screaming was nearly deafening now.

Then it hit her--a wave of grief and pain and remorse. She saw her parents and Umi, their bodies floating lifelessly in the tide she had created, their blackened Star Seeds floating above their foreheads. She saw Sailor Mermaid's Sailor Crystal leave her body, and float to Galaxia, as the Senshi faded away, alone. She saw storm clouds and lightning ravage her home planet, rendering it black and dead.

The tears started to fall from her eyes again. But this time, she could feel them, and she knew why they were there. She pulled away from the light mentally, and opened her eyes. She was now back in the real, physical world. But the pain didn't stop. The death she had caused stabbed at her heart. Seiren curled up into a ball on the floor, sobbing helplessly.

"Oh God...what have I done...they're dead...they're all dead..."

Crow knelt down beside her. "I told you, this would be difficult. But you have to learn to live with what you've done. Having your emotion awakened is better than that small voice, screaming at you, all the time..."

Seiren's head snapped up sharply, her eyes full of angry and frightened tears. "What do you know?! How can you understand?! I let Galaxia control me! I killed my family, my friends...my planet is GONE!!! Everyone, everything I ever knew is DEAD!!! How can you even begin to understand that?!"

The last words had barely tumbled out of her mouth when she felt a sharp sting on her cheek, and saw the winged Senshi's dark hand pull away from her face.

Crow herself was suddenly very angry. "You fool. What do I know?! I'll tell you what I know. Do you think you're unique?! Do you think you're the only one who's gone through this?! Let me tell you something right now--Galaxia-sama has done this to others, long before you, and she'll do it again and again, until there are no Senshi, no planets left. How naïve you are, Seiren. This pain has hit others...so don't even think, for one second, that you are special. You're just another of Galaxia-sama's...puppets."

Seiren sat back, shocked. "H-How do you know all that?! Just who ARE you, anyway?!"

Crow resigned herself, and her voice quieted. "I know," she said, "because I was the first."

~***~